Saturday, February 7, 2009

The issue was never...

...where I stood as a man.

I've been most kind of guy at one point or another. I discussed this with a friend a short while back, my theory on "phases" that men and women go through. They all generally gravitate toward five basic points:
  • The Nice Guy
  • The Desperate Guy
  • The "Lost All Hope" Guy
  • The User (a.k.a. women are objects)
  • The Asshole
When it comes to women, most start at one spot, and cycle through them over time. With each failure, they come ever closer to changing phase - possibly someday finding the one they end up with (whomever that may be, and for however short a period of time).

Take for instance Vada (not a real person or based off one) who starts the cycle from the top of the key: She dates a nice guy, Richard, in middle school, they meet every lunch and smile while eating their packed sandwiches and sometimes even hold hands in walks between classes. This eventually bores them both, so he becomes distant, and she becomes uneasy...she breaks it off.

She instead opts for someone she's known for a while, Greg. Granted, he is the rebound, and he's a band kid, but he's desperate for attention (and this will be the most he gets for some time) since his last girlfriend seemed like she always wanted better. He's determined to be better, and he waits on her hand and foot. She freaks out a few short weeks into it, and calls him clingy to all her friends. She's don'e with his she meets Bryce.

They're in high school now, and Bryce is a junior and starting quarterback. He's best friends with Vada's older brother, and he has the same name as her dad. She finds these couple of bits of information fascinating. She flirts with him drastically, and even starts dressing and talking differently. He shows mild interest, but his junior girlfriend Rebecca keeps him mildly happy...for about three weeks. Vada follows Dade, her brother, to a party and "runs into" Bryce there. He's smashed, and Rebecca is nowhere in sight...

...she thinks it love, he thinks it an easy fix. Rebecca finds out, and she leaves him, so Vada thinks (naturally) we're an item. He plays along for a few days - week at most - but when she won't put out again, he starts dating Megan, Rebecca's former best friend. She becomes a notch on his bedpost.

She cries at first, and then becomes bitter. She tears through any man that dare step foot in her path, and makes a name for herself as a bitch. To spite Bryce, she becomes more attractive, she finds new outlets for herself, and she meets Damien.

Damien is also popular, like Bryce, but he quit football and moved to basketball to pursue his dreams of being in the NBA someday. Bryce and Damien hate eachother, and she feeds off of it at first...she wants to make Bryce hate himself for using her, so she stays with Damien - though he treats her like shit. Eventually, it becomes a calling for her...she lives to make him happy; it's no longer in spite, but in habit that she stays with him despite his obvious flaws.

They date until summer before freshman year in college. "He's an asshole, and only wanted to go into college single for the women" her best friends say to her. She is comforted by this, but manages to make stupid decisions nonetheless. Her freshman year she starts and ends five "relationships"...all with assholes, and each right after the other. Toward semester's end, where one began and another ended blur in line. A chain link of assholes.

She breaks the habit when she finds Jacob, a nice guy studying philosophy and government. he wants to go to law school someday, and his last girlfriend broke up with him over a year ago because he "wasn't listening enough." He'd realized he really wasn't, and decided to take a break from dating until he met Vada. Butterflies, heart skips, the works...he does better. He's not clingy or needy, he's sweet when he needs to be, and stern when time calls. He is perfect...too perfect...she starts getting paranoid, because past experience has taught her that nothing is what it seems (even though it really is)...

...she leaves him, with a note that says "You deserve better." How fucking cliche. She starts dating Roger, who she meets at a blood drive...and believe me, he will be a desperate one.


Like I said, this is all fictional. I have been almost every one of those guys...and the same applies for us: failure makes us change phases. We don't always start from the top, but we make our way through the ranks until we find one that wins for us.

Sometimes, the asshole gets the girl...luck of the lottery. Her loss.

Sometimes the desperate guy gets the girl...Her loss also, and his as well.

The user rarely gets the girl, as he just makes his way through the ranks...and sometimes he stays a user for the majority of his life. "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" he says.

The lost all hope guy rarely stays that way. If he does, he starts focusing elsewhere, and women just become an anomally in his equation for life...but usually, they break out of that rut, and become users (only after a casual trophy).

But sometimes, the nice guy gets the girl...and it can be his gain, or his loss, but it's almost always the woman's gain. And when it's shared, and all that glitters is suddenly platinum, we - the men - might even be phase six:

Mr. Right

Some girls delude themselves into believing that they have Mr. Right, when in fact they have a facade...Mr. Right doesn't always know he is, and oftentimes wonders what he might be doing that's "just not right." It's not written in the stars, and it's hardly what I'd call "destiny."



Why this, and why now David?

Women, my good friend. Women and chick flicks and alcohol. That, and possibly this new string of nightmares (not the car crash for now) mixed with a lot of anxiety.

You seem mad, but is it at men or at women?

Both, actually. Women for obvious reasons, but more strongly men for making us look bad. It took the better part of a decade for me to come full circle twice...I'm finally back to being a nice guy, and other assholes are giving it a bad name. It alluded to my failure (which already inadvertantly occured).

Failure? What failure?

You wouldn't understand, know or care at this point. And like I said, it was inadvertant, so it doesn't even matter anyway. I have a month to get through, and I'll be fine.

Does this have to do with your exes at all?

I thought it did at first, but now I realize it just has to do with me...and a few select other people. More, a fight with existentialism since losing someone very important to me. I always said my biggest fear was dying alone...and now I wonder just how long until I die. If it's tomorrow, would I be happy?

Would you?

Haha, no. But thanks for asking.

Will we ever know what exactly sparked this whole conflict?

No, but I will always lie to you and call it "inner demons" if it makes you feel better. Now, no more questions. I grow tired of you. My rant is done, and I don't feel like drawing a conclusion based on a strong bias against both genders of the human race.

Songs of the moment - Both entitled "Wish You Were Here"

"I lay my head onto the sand.
The sky resembles a backlit canopy,
With holes punched in it.
I'm counting UFOs.
I signal them with my lighter.
And in this moment, I am happy..."

- Incubus

"So you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell,
Blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?..."

- Pink Floyd

Funny how they both have the same meaning, but with different tones and ways about it. Gotts love some good irony at 3:30 a.m. Goodnight, God bless, much love and get the fuck out.

Over and out,


1 comment:

  1. David! This is way too involved of a story! Forget the Mr. Somebodys. With 3 billion males in this world, there are FAR too many factors outside of simply being a "Nice Guy" or "The Asshole" to consider for one's choice in partner to be so cut-and-dried.