Thursday, April 23, 2009

Frank Sinatra timeless. He really is. And that's not saying the rest of the Rat Pack was any less amazing, but come on it's Frank. He put a magic into his music that...well, I can't help but want to love someone.

Yesterday (being that it's now 1:45 a.m.) was Earth Day, and the day was fitting: the sun was out, the sky was clear and it was a beautiful example of springtime in Texas. And tonight the air is crisp, cooling off and wonderful, and as I sip a coffee to put me to sleep (yes, sleep) I am reminded of my favorite Sinatra song:

Fly Me to the Moon

"Fly me to the moon,
And let me sing among those stars.
Let me see what spring is like
On Jupiter and Mars.

In other words, hold my hand.
In other words, darling kiss me.

Fill my heart with song,
And let me sing for ever more.
You are all I long for,
All I worship and adore.

In other words, please be true!
In other words, I love you..."

- Francis Albert Sinatra
from: It Might as Well Be Swing (1964)

So good. Makes me smile. And damn could he pull of a suit. Anyway, Denton's Arts & Jazz Festival is this weekend, and I will be in attendance. It might not be the same kind of music, but I do love me a good bass line, some sweet saxophone, echoing trumpets and mean guitar riffs. Plus, I will probably meet up with a few people there, so if you're around give me a call Friday night.

Over and out,

David Lucio

Sunday, April 19, 2009

The Squirrel

This is simply a whim update, because I've had several discussions recently regarding how men handle picking up women, and not overlapping targets with their friends. Some people call it shotgun, some call it dibs, and other just simply refer to it as "calling something" - but when it comes to prospective dating potential, I like to recognize it as "The Squirrel Rule". Urban Dictionary entries state the definition as follows:

Squirrel - 1. (n) A title given to a woman by man, used within that man's circle of male friends in order to express a form of affection-based ownership. 2. calling~ (v) The act of bringing one's friends' attention to a gorgeous woman in the vicinity; by doing so, it is expressly understood that the "caller" has priority in pursuing the target for romantic purposes.

It's a little convoluted, sure, but it makes sense, and the action it describes is relatively understood. It applies to both men and women in the dating realm. And one little known rule is that under no circumstances are people in relationships permitted to call dibs on anyone that isn't their already-declared paramour. Doing so is almost as bad as vocally expressing intent to cheat. That's just how it works.

The Bro Code even has a clause devoted to this very science of calling, but because the idea is already understood between guy friends, the article takes it steps further:

Article 62
In the event that two Bros lock on to the same target, the Bro who calls dibs first had dibs. If both call dibs at the same time, the Bro who counts aloud to ten the fastest has dibs. If both arrive at the number ten at the same time, the Bro who bought the last round of drinks has dibs. If they haven't purchased drinks yet, the taller of the two Bros has dibs. If they're the same height, the Bro with the longer "dry spell" has dibs. Should the dry spells be of equal length, a game of discreet Broshambo* shall determine dibs, provided the chick is still there.

* Rock, Paper, Scissors for Bros

I don't know if it's a bit overboard to say that this is one of the most important rules to keep for close friends and siblings in similar dating-age brackets. Personally, I've always held this rule sacred; I would never steal the prospective date of any of my brothers or bros.

Between my older brother Daniel and I, it was always unspoken. We're only a year apart, so he made sure not to fish in my waters and I not in his. I did have problems with my little brother Derek through most of High School, but it was a string misunderstandings and misguided decisions on his part. We moved past it right before I left to college, because I wasn't going to hold it against him...he's my brother.

But as far as the rule applies to friendships, breaking it is a cardinal sin! Breaking of the rule can effectively ruin friendships. And typically the caller will not move past their interest in the Squirrel, leading to possible awkward situations in the future should the thief continue romantic relations with the target.

Now, one thing I have been asked to clarify is the reasoning behind using the title "Squirrel" (as opposed to another animal or action). The truth is, I'm not sure where it started, but all signs trace it back to the movie Bring it On, where the jocks and male cheerleaders refer to the gorgeous cheerleaders as Squirrels; they use it in order to subtly point attention to girls walking by without it seeming odd. Also, the act of breaking the rule was referred to as "scamming".

In my defense, the first time I heard the term used was in a webseries I watched called "We Need Girlfriends": In fact, it's the very first word used in the (very short) series, and comes into play heavily when the main character starts dating the same gorgeous blonde. Just watch and see...

Over and out,

David Lucio

Thursday, April 16, 2009

New Plan

I am ill...probably just a common cold. Medication wasn't working, so I decided to change strategies and take a page out of Barney Stinson's method for getting better:

"I'm fine. My nose is just overflowing with awesome, and I had to get some of it out...Oh Robin, my simple friend from the untamed north. Let me tell you about a little thing I like to call 'Mind over Body. Whenever I start feeling sick, I just stop being sick and be awesome instead. True story. Yep, in two minutes I'm gonna pound a sixer of Redbull, hop in a cab, play a couple of hours of lazer-tag, maybe get a spray-on tan. It's gonna be LEGEN - wait for it..."

[Falls Asleep]

How I Met Your Mother - Season 2
Episode 11: How Lily Stole Christmas

So now begins the treatment process. But first I need another sip of Nyquil and a quick nap. But THEN I'm gonna start the treatment process...yeah. Wish me luck!

Over and Out,

David Lucio

Friday, April 10, 2009

I have to stop watching The Office now

If you haven't been keeping up with The Office, I won't give out too many spoilers other than the big facts: Michael and Pam both quit Dunder Mifflin. And with that, tonight they finally hired a new receptionist...

...and now I have to stop watching. "Why, David?" you may ask allowed, wondering what could possibly have freaked me out. Well, you see, I recognized the new girl, Kelly (a second Kelly, yes). At first I couldn't put my finger on it, but then I realized it was because her hair was getting in the way. Soooooooo I imagined her appearance the way I thought she SHOULD have looked: slightly curly red hair with some freckles. Then it hit me:

Yeah. Same girl. From one of the Derrick Comedy sketches. I won't be able to watch another episode of The Office without thinking of her making it "so dry" for someone. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is my rant for the evening...

[UPDATE] Confirmed who she was finally. Her name is Ellie Kemper, and apparently she's made a name for herself doing web-based comedy. I found a lot of her stuff on Funny or Die. Observe:

over and out,

David Lucio

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Pet Peeves

I have a number of them. This afternoon I ran across a few that kind of ruined my happiness factor for the day, and now I kinda wanna drive my car into a light post at 120 mph without a seatbelt on.

Here's a brief list. Preface each of these with
"It is one of my biggest pet peeves...
  • be hung up on me when I have something important to talk about. Why answer in the first place? If you don't want to talk, either excuse yourself or don't bother answering the phone. Just don't hang up. Very rude.
  • ...when people to ask me to do something to help them, but then they leave you hanging. Ask me to help you move furniture at 6 a.m.? Sure. I wake up, you never call, and then I find out you overslept...not cool.
  • be told to call back at _____ time only to sit through the entire ringing and wind up at voicemail. Oh, what's that? Your phone was on silent? Use goddamn vibrate, that's what the fuck it's for...and if you're afraid of your phone making noise, then turn it off! Why do humans suck at technology?
  • ...when someone tells me one week that I did something wrong, and makes me feel bad, but the following week when I go out of my way to fix that error it suddenly makes me worse than I was before. Make up your damn mind on what it is you want.
  • be text messaged back that someone doesn't want to talk to me in an obviously bitter way. Can't people just have the gaul to call me and tell me? And furthermore, if they've got no problem hanging up on me, then they should have no qualms with calling to voice opinions.
...Do you understand?"
When you strike these nerves, I will become very agitated, and verbally hostile in tone. My diction will change to something more formal, which is how I make myself calm down when speaking.

But just because I react this way to a pet peeve, doesn't you (or anyone else) any right to degrade my ability to be a friend...goddamnit I'm a damn good friend and I want some gratitude. I know that's a horrible thing to say, but I am grateful for little things, and would hope people would be more grateful for what I do.

When I drive someone somewhere, keep someone company, spot someone cash, help someone (metaphorically) "exercise a demon" from their past, let someone crash on my couch, take care of someone while they're sick, help someone move, wingman for someone or even just listen to them it wrong of me to ask them to just not PEEVE me!? Think about it...

Also, while writing this, I did a random search on YouTube for Pet Peeves and found this hilarious one by Olivia Munn, co-host of my favorite show ever Attack of the Show. Enjoy!

Over and out,

David Lucio

Friday, April 3, 2009

The Perks of Being Role Player

Listening to a live interview with Wil Wheaton, who's singing the praises of nerds everywhere - "D&D matters because of the basics: it reenforces good math skills, engages the imagination, encourages people to be social regularly..."

It's going on at and it's really entertaining. I played D&D for a short while (as any good nerd should at least once) but I've never been a huge advocate for it. I just like when people publicly say that being a nerd is good for kids.

Most parents start with sports and Baby Einstein videos...someday my children will be rolling 20-sided die, shuffling cards, playing videogames and reading books. Because the nerdiness should start early...the sports comes from peer and parental pressure later. Except football. I hated playing football.

Over and out,

David Lucio

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Only fools rush April...

...which makes me a fool. I just wanted to make a brief history of April Fools Day in my immediate family. I'll bold my personal accomplishments, and the rest generally involve some ploys my brothers did against our parents.
  1. Daniel started it by convincing our dad that he was choking at the dinner table. My dad threw chairs across the room to give him the Heimlich...We had to hold back our dad once he found out it was a joke, and now if Daniel starts to choke, my dad makes us help him.
  2. The next year, I convinced my friends that I was married to my "ex", Kimberly. We got dressed up, took pictures with her family and she borrowed her mom's HUMONGOUS diamond ring. That was a three-week long joke starting on my birthday and ending on April Fools Day. Man it was awesome. about 35 people called or wrote us to congratulate us on the engagement (or tell me how stupid I was for going back to her).
  3. Two years later, while I was with my ex, Cassandra, I convinced my parents (via email) that she and I had eloped...because I had knocked her up. Since they weren't involved in the previous year, they believed me right away; My dad even started packing a suitcase and yelled at my older brother for "encouraging me". The end of the email read "P.S. April Fools"
  4. Last year, my younger brother Derek called my parents and left a voicemail saying, "I was arrested because this guy was threatening to hit his girlfriend and I kicked the shit out of him." He even turned on the waterworks, saying, "I messed him up pretty bad...they took him in an ambulance." He had his friends, and us (his brothers) add to the drama. After both my parents left their respective works and started the two-hour drive to his school, my mother called every jail and station in the area until finally a cop said, "Are you sure he isn't April Fooling you?" Then they yelled at us and vowed never to get caught again.
  5. This year, I decided to use something my mother told me against people: "You have too much stuff online, you're going to get your identity stolen!" I laughed at her, and then pretended that my account had been stolen, and $30,000 worth of charges were made. I even had most of the people I fooled throughout the day come back and help make it seem more real. The total was over 40 people fooled...losing count after the story spread beyond my circle of friends.
I have on major rule when it comes to lying: If you're going to tell a lie, when questioned about it don't give up right away. Instead, make up and EVEN BIGGER lie to overshadow the first one. If questioned further, take the lie further and always stand your ground. If I can make my own parents think I'm married, then I've done something right.

True Story.

Anyways, that was my reminiscent April Fools entry. Leave me a comment with your past jokes and exploits! I love a good laugh...and plus, once the dirt is settled, nobody was hurt in any of our jokes...except Daniel.
Worth It!

Over and out,

David Lucio