Saturday, February 21, 2009

"I know you know...

...everything. I know you didn't mean it.

So, we're talking forever,
And you almost feel better,
But betters no excuse for tonight.
You see, it's never been enough
To just leave or give up,
but its never good enough to feel right.

Now I'm lying on the table with everything you said.
"It will all catch up eventually."
Well, it caught up and, honestly,
The weight of my decisions were impossible to hold.
But they were never yours..."

- Taking Back Sunday
This Photograph is Proof (I Know You Know)

I started out with a song this time faithful readers. Oh wait, I do that quite frequently. I suppose the difference will be that today I won't be dissecting this song into the parallels it has with my own life. Sounds too good to be true, huh?

Well, it's true.

The song speaks for itself, and the video has almost no notable relevance to the song. If you've never had a chance to listen to Taking Back Sunday, then you were obviously either:
  1. An alien or a hermit living in some remote location without technology
  2. Not born between 1980 and 2005
  3. A douchebag
  4. Someone who insists famous bands are "sell outs", or that only ___ type of music is worth listening to (see #3)
  5. Not someone who has spent more than five minutes around me, or
  6. Very unlucky...until just now, I mean.
At any rate, the rant for today is brief. It goes something like this - I am filled with pent up sexual aggression, and today I was told by three people on three entirely different circumstances that I should go out and partake in some strange.

For those of you just learning the term, you may realize by now that it's been quite some time since I've ever even attempted this - and even then, I never took in anywhere and wasn't a fan of the concept.

Still, there resonated upon the cusp of my thoughts (and teeth) this urge to seek vengeance for these frustrations...for a brief few moments, I thought that I might actually do it.

Instead, I used a placebo (in a manner of speaking) to quench my hunger.
I flirted with two store clerks, a waitress and a professor...
...quaint smiles, and soft laughter made me happy.

I realize, of course, that my refusal to follow-through on these actions has rendered each encounter as a failure. But, nonetheless, I saw it differently. I realize that I have more than enough charisma to accomplish what it is I seek to do...

...but my eminent failure elicited no more than a simple shudder. At least, it did for a while. The spell of the remedy was shattered when I was reminded something: Women. Never. Change.

I heard (or read, rather) a phrase tonight almost as timeless as loneliness itself. The person that said it bared no ill-will, and meant it sincerely, but it still stings. I know this because, they themselves have heard it in not-so-unrecent-events...but didn't quite fathom what they were saying...

"Man, David, you will be an excellent boyfriend one day to a really awesome girl..."

How do you know?
For all they know, I could be at the end of my rope, ready to turn into a jackass again after all this time...return to a "women are objects" mentality, and the next girl I am involved with will just see the aftermath of whatever chaotic sentience I leave in my wake.

It's not the person's fault I feel this way. I do because the phrase embodies levels of rejection most of us have all felt at some point. We don't all marry our first relationships, or high school sweethearts, or even college couples...and 50% of all marriages still end in divorce in this country.
But I'd love to make love work for me.

I've lost many opportunities at happiness, and the more I fail the more I callous over. Pretty soon, the pain won't mean a thing...and when that happens, I won't ever recognize love when it bites me on the ass.

Ok. End rant. I'm fine. Like I said, if you read this, it's not your fault I feel this way. I just think that phrase is best left unsaid to someone struggling so bad...I appreciate the sentiment, but there's got to be a better way to word it. It's almost as bad as the people that try to set others up with their friends. It's all a wasted effort...and just kinda feels like a slap in the face.

Don't believe me? I'll slap-bet you that It's true.

Over and out,

"The Kid" David Lucio

p.s. it's a borrowed nickname i'm trying out. It's gonna be a thing! Tell your friends!

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